Donald Trump vs. Kanye West: Can You Tell The Difference?

Kanye West has a new album coming out, titled Waves. Rapper Wiz Khalifa has taken exception to West’s album title, stating that Kanye ripped off rapper Max B, who often uses the word “wavy.” Or something.

That insult began a conflagration of epic intellectual proportions. West fired back, “Oh niggas must think I’m not petty cause I’m the best that’s ever made music.” He then added in voluble fashion, “Bro first of all you stole your whole shit from Cudi.” To which Khalifa responded, “I been smashed the idea of that album even existing. I got joints to roll @kanyewest.”

West concluded in a series of Dostoevskian tweets, “You have distracted from my creative process…I went to look at your twitter and you were wearing cool pants…you let a stripper trap you…I know you mad every time you look at yourchild that this girl got you for 18 years…You own waves???? I own your child!!!!…Nigga I tried to call you and you changed your number…I think you dress cool I wish I was skinny and tall…maybe I couldn’t be skinny and tall but I’ll settle for being the greatest artist of all time as a consolation…Don’t ever ever ever come out of the side of your mutherfucking neck bro or bruh or however you say it Mr. Waves.”

Meanwhile, Donald Trump continued to media war with Megyn Kelly of Fox News, tweeting, “I refuse to call Megyn Kelly a bimbo, because that would not be politically correct. Instead I will only call her a lightweight reporter!” Then he bashed Fox News: “The statement put out yesterday by @FoxNews was a disgrace to good broadcasting and journalism. Who would ever say something so nasty & dumb.” He then turned on Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX), his chief rival in the presidential primary in Iowa: “Even though I beat him in the first six debates, especially the last one, Ted Cruz wants to debate me again. Can we do it in Canada?”

All of which begs the question: when President Donald Trump runs against Kanye West in 2020, how will we be able to tell the difference between them? One is a media mogul worth vast quantities of cash with a famous trophy wife, a powerful Twitter presence, and a massively inflated sense of self…and the other is Kanye West.

So, for purposes of clarity, it’s time we played a little game. Here are a series of quotes, with identifying features removed. Which are from Trump, and which are from 2020 rival Kanye?

  1. “My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body.”
  2. “My greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.”
  3. “People always say that you can’t please everybody. I think that’s a cop-out.”
  4. “Katy Perry must have been drunk when she married Russell Brand.”
  5. “Everyone knows I am right that Robert Pattison should dump Kristen Stewart. In a couple of years, he will thank me. Be smart, Robert.”
  6. “Who’s seen the play Wicked? I’ve seen it 4 times! Other than loving the music, acting and costumes…it’s my story!”
  7. “I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke.”
  8. “I make awesome decisions in bike stores.”
  9. “The US cannot allow Ebola-infected people back. People that go to far away places to help out are great – but must suffer the consequences!”
  10. “Sometimes I push the door close button on people running towards the elevator. I just need my own elevator sometimes, my seven-floor sanctuary.”
  11. “If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple.”
  12. “Cher, I promise not to talk about your massive plastic surgeries that didn’t work.”
  13. “Do you know where to find marble conference tables? I’m looking to have a conference. Not until I get the table though.”
  14. “Healthy young child goes to doctor, gets pumped with massive shots of many vaccines, doesn’t feel good and changes – AUTISM. Many such cases!”
  15. “I think Twitter was designed specifically with me in mind.”

How many did you get right? See the answers below. Here’s the scale: 1-5: YUGE LOSER; 6-10: Imma Let You Finish; 11-14: You’re Making America Great Again; 15. Yeezus.

ANSWERS:


1. Trump; 2. Kanye; 3. Kanye; 4. Trump; 5. Trump; 6. Kanye; 7. Trump; 8. Kanye; 9. Trump; 10. Kanye; 11. Kanye; 12. Trump; 13. Kanye; 14. Trump; 15. Kanye.

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